Monday, June 13, 2005
tricky comparison
ah comparison, it seems an innate human quality we are taught to do it from such a young age. i've been noticing lately when i first began comparing myself to others - judging them better or worse than me. i think it was definitely before i was a year old. noticing that i was bigger, or that adults thought i was cuter, these aren't crisp clear memories but some sense i have of an awareness that started that early on.
it's not surprising then that as we grow we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to others, or overhearing the comparisons of the adults around us and internalizing them. as young adults comparison can become a tricky sport and one that often leads us down the wrong roads for the wrong reasons.
it's so easy to look at our friends, relatives, people on tv, whoever is available and see what they have that we don't - a great partner, their own house, the right job, cute clothes...'it all together'. doing this comparing not only puts our focus on what we don't have rather than what we do...it's almost always based on our assumptions, which are more often than not just that - assumptions.
when we focus on comparison we often make decisions based on trying to impress others, or to achieve some happiness we perceive that those others have. which they often don't, and moreover if they do it's what makes them happy not what would make us happy. we sit envying our friends for their happy lives, while they sit envying us.
what if next time we found ourselves comparing, we stopped and took an inventory of what we are doing well. what we are pleased with about our lives. putting our focus on what do we have sets us up to go after the things we don't yet have. it puts our attention on our strengths and abilities rather than on what we are lacking.
i'd encourage you to make a list - 10 things in my life that i'm pleased with! hang it on your bedroom or office wall. give yourself a regular reminder. and when you find yourself comparing again reference the list, or make a whole new one!
dream big,
-kirsten
it's not surprising then that as we grow we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to others, or overhearing the comparisons of the adults around us and internalizing them. as young adults comparison can become a tricky sport and one that often leads us down the wrong roads for the wrong reasons.
it's so easy to look at our friends, relatives, people on tv, whoever is available and see what they have that we don't - a great partner, their own house, the right job, cute clothes...'it all together'. doing this comparing not only puts our focus on what we don't have rather than what we do...it's almost always based on our assumptions, which are more often than not just that - assumptions.
when we focus on comparison we often make decisions based on trying to impress others, or to achieve some happiness we perceive that those others have. which they often don't, and moreover if they do it's what makes them happy not what would make us happy. we sit envying our friends for their happy lives, while they sit envying us.
what if next time we found ourselves comparing, we stopped and took an inventory of what we are doing well. what we are pleased with about our lives. putting our focus on what do we have sets us up to go after the things we don't yet have. it puts our attention on our strengths and abilities rather than on what we are lacking.
i'd encourage you to make a list - 10 things in my life that i'm pleased with! hang it on your bedroom or office wall. give yourself a regular reminder. and when you find yourself comparing again reference the list, or make a whole new one!
dream big,
-kirsten
# posted by kirsten johnson @ 2:34 PM 
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I might have said this to you before, so if I did, I apologize! But it helped me so much so I want to share with you and your readers...someone once said to me when I was incessantly comparing myself to others, "if they had any less, would that mean that you had any more?" And of course, the answer is NO! It seems so simple, yet we never think in those terms. Anyway, it's really helped me. :)
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